Friday, January 25, 2008

Another night at the local

When bored shitless- go to your local. Goes the custom of this country.
Last night I called a 'Lana will you finally piss off to Queensland' thingo down at the local. It's only a 2 minute bike ride (and that's with a flat tire- stupid fucking bike. Was pumping the thing for ages before I realised) from my house so I go there more than I'd care to mention to my more respectable mates.
Last night was a Friday and when we normally go there on a Tuesday the Rednecks are considerably outnumbered by my own lot. 15-20 of us will rock up, the average age being 20 years old, while the 5 or so Rednecks are forced into the corner to snigger about what they'd like to do to those of us resembling the female species. But last night there were close to 35 Rednecks loitering in the front bar.
Then there were us- three 18 year old chicks drinking bundy and playing pool, (and without wanting to sound pretentious or brag about my looks) and looking like our mothers shared purely platonic relationships with their brothers.

Some memorable moments included;-

*telling the fat chick screaming directions at Roger Federer on the tv screen that recent studies had proven the he couldn't actually hear her.

*Having the nightly regular Kirky tell me to 'stop looking gorgeous!' (to which I returned the compliment, 'Ohh yoooouu stop being gooooorgeous!' batting my hand in the air), before pinning me against the bar with his beer gut with the circumference of Uluru to assure me he was well aware of his age being the same as my grandfather's and he wasn't trying out some new pick up line but merely commenting on my 'magazine-cover looks'. I was trying to manoeuvre myself back around the gut without spilling my beer, thinking 'Babes and Bores' was probably the rag he was thinking of, with me not being the former.

*An American Redneck the same age as my Dad (a real Redneck and the ugliest fucker you ever saw- which says something with the ugly bar for Rednecks already being extremely high) getting his Aussie mate to approach me (because we spoke the same language?) to ask for a buck to play pool. Upon discovering I had no buck for him the mate tried to persuade me to play with them. Upon getting my refusal, saying my mates and I were just practising, they sauntered off sulkily to spend the rest of the night leering at us and trying to peer down our shirts whenever we walked past. The Yankee feral finally finding the confidence to sneer 'Nice boobs' at me a few hours later.I kept the pool cue handy all night.

Sorry kids, that's all for now. Gotta go get the ute packed for my weekend in Bell's Beach. My mates are due to arrive in .....ahhh, shit any minute.

Toodles and happy Australia/ Invasion Day!

No comments: