Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Raaarrrnnnn dickhead! Raaarrrnnn!

Yesterday was about as constructive as a council worker- the day itself, not me; it's never ever my fault! I had a shit load of school work to do, but even though it was only Wednesday my thoughts couldn't be dragged back from the Friday ahead and getting absolutely maggotted at the house my mate is house sitting that's right across the road from the crustiest pub (crusty is my chosen adjective to describe the fine inhabitants who aren't the most sanitary of Melburnians- but still a long run from possessing the true redneck whiff of distinction) in...... I was going to say this side of town, but I still think my local up the road still takes the cake and candles for the Filth Fest.

But once I'd finished watching Friends last night and the winds that had been blowing like a bitch all day had ceased enough for my dog to not be blown to Perth I decided to venture out and brave being looked at while I attempted to actually run. I'm not overweight, I've actually managed to fluke along with a flat gut despite all the beer I guzzle, but when you haven't actually run for a decent distance in months (can you believe that I actually played soccer last year?) making your feet move in a motion faster than the normal everyday stumbled swagger has them just about screaming What the fuck!? at you.

But I ignored them and ran, man did I run. It felt great to remember you could actually move that fast without your arse wedged into the seat of a car, but on my own! On my legs! But as I neared my half way point of the walk I do everyday, a pain wrenched through my gut that just about threw me onto the ground. I bit down hard onto my mouth to keep from screaming as this pain that felt like a knife through my guts twisted and tugged at my insides. I sat down in absolute agony and actually let the thought am I giving birth? cross my mind. But it would've had to have been a kid the size of a bread crumb.

Eventually I found the strength to pull myself up and limp home while my dog had this expression on her face like you are pathetic.

Once home I collapsed on the couch, "That's enough exercise for this month" and rewarded myself with all the food in the fridge. I'm contemplating trying out for the Beijing Olympics.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


I just looked at the clock and realised that in exactly two hours I would've been back in Melbourne for exactly a week. Yep, that's right, I sauntered home with my tail between my legs exactly a week ago. There were things suddenly coming up back here anyway that I was coming back for, but things just got unbearable in the few days before I suddenly went 'fuck it' up in Queensland.

It wasn't just because my housemate went from funny annoying to shit-scarily obsessive; it wasn't just because all work I had lined up ran dry; it wasn't just because life was as fun as slamming my head against a brick wall- everything just wasn't worth the hell I was putting myself through while still trying to do my year 12 through distance education.

But luckily since I've been back I've kept myself in a haze of preoccupation that's just misty enough for me to not start beating myself about failing yada yada yada.

But anyhoo, I'm back for a bit and will just try to catch up in all my late school work in between getting shit faced every weekend and running amuck with my mental mates till I head off somewhere else. At this stage I'm thinking Mt Hotham for the snow season to be become a ski instructor. The fact that I've only ever seen snow once in my life is beside the point.