Friday, December 7, 2007

Love Thy Neighbour

Last night my cuz Fleece and I had just returned from the beach when we got a text message from my mum.
"We're at the Sandy Hotel"
There was a chance she'd be drunk by the time we got there and just the possibility of seeing mum drunk was too good to miss.
We sped down Beach Road in the newly serviced Hilux with even more grunt than it had before.
Through the double doors of the Sandy pub and we were met with Mum (drunk), her boyfriend, his mate- Kevin07 and our neighbour Jill (drunk).
Jill was waddling around in a dress that barely covered her large breasts so at every sudden movement she made we would tightly shut our eyes. Added to that she would also lift her dress to reveal herself to any unlucky bystander and have them screaming from the room with blood dripping from their eyes.
But that's how she acts sober so I wasn't too worried about her well-being until she suddenly leaned forwards and croaked "Laaarrrnnaaa, have you ever tried modeling?"
All eyes were suddenly on me. "Only for dog food companies"
Then Jill got the idea that skinny dipping in the bay just over the road would be a real riot. Mum was up for it too. I was told that I would be up for it. I hadn't been listening to their conversation "What am I up for?", I asked, but the question of being Up For It had moved onto Fleece.
"Nahhh, she's too straight laced" cackled Mum.
Fleece took a sigh of relief, she was off the hook just for being too anal.
The decision was reached to move the party back to Jill's house.
She wanted to come in the ute with us.
Fleece was driving due to me hitting the bottle a bit.
We climbed in the front while Jill fell in the back.
She was satisfied as long as we had the Seeker's song blaring loudly on the AM radio.
Once it ended she grew bored.
As we turned onto North Road, Jill undid her seat belt and began manoeuvring herself in the turtle-fashion into the front between us.
"Move ya arse over Lana!"
I was hanging out the open window and was still wedged between the door and Jill's butt while she tried to get into position.
Next minute the Hilux began to growl unnaturally because in her struggle Jill had kicked the gear stick into neutral.
The journey home wasn't the most comfortable of my life but wasn't boring either.

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